Tuesday 28 April 2009

Five biggest killers of all time


Here's my list of "five biggest relationship killers" of all time. Thoughts written randomly but tried and tested :P Go ahead and have a thought about it and let me know if you have anything more
to share.

* Ego - Human ego can be considered as the biggest killers of all time in any relationship. The less you wanna let go of it, the more you lose. Worse still is clash of egos, "you dont let go, i dont let go, then lets go bang our heads!" What's the point? You're losing your sanity. You lose to focus on what needs to be done instead. You'd have probably lost too much time trying to see who can come down and make a compromise.

* Selfishness - Its just not about being selfish about possessing something. It is about being and thinking about 'self'. The more you think about only you, the more you fail to see what the other person is in your life. The value diminishes. Your partner's needs and wants fall way too below in life if you were to see only what you want and where you look. Look beyond youself and you'll see that probably the other person has bigger needs than you. You dont need to be selfless, just be considerate.

* Blame game - This one thing HAS to stop that very second it begins, no matter who takes the initiative! You feel the other person has done wrong, put it in a way that he/she understands but dont make them feel so miserable that they retort. On the other hand, if you're at fault, dont just jump in and say "ok fine i did it, so what?". Probably you can ask your partner where you went wrong so that you can correct it. Things are much better that way especially if you learn to stop blaming one another for their mistakes. Arguments or issues dont come up unless you both have done/gone wrong somewhere at some point. If you think you're winning an argument by blaming the other person and the other person has become mute, you're in for a bigger loss later.

* Taking the blame all the time: Ok this one sounds quite contradictory to the previous point but there's a difference. When you have a situation where you think you've gone wrong or your partner has pointed out your mistake, accept it to correct it the next time but dont go so low that you feel completely miserable and you're made to feel guilty for rest of your day or worse still, all your life. Take the blame if its genuine but dont fall for silly matters that can wreck havoc and toss the boat completely, cos once you do that you'll be taken too much for granted.

* Verbal abuse: Not that physical abuse can be passed off, verbal abuse can leave you completely demotivated. Here abuse does not only mean objectionable usage of words or phrases but the kind of talk that can really leave you totally ripped. When you have the fiercest of arguments, you tend to get more verbal and say things that can really kill. Avoid it. Think for a split second, what if you were to be on the receiving end. Saying things about your partner's family, digging their past, listing down their long-forgotten mistakes, disappointments... all these add up to form a kind of grudge in your the subconscious mind and one day they will get their chance too to give it all back to you. Things get ugly beyond that point. Talk and try to solve the current issue. It really doesnt help talking about what's gone.


If you probe deeper, you'd probably realise there are many more silly things that can really bother you but in the end its how you handle that matters. After all you want to save your relationship at any cost, dont you?



13 comments:

An Open Book said...

emmm..sne..tht was gud marriage counselling. yes you are absolutely right about all this, but whn we fight we jus fight like mad dogs and cats and have no time 2 think of all this..but aftr the fight we prob realize and thn feel stupid..but yeah i find it very diff to accept my mistakes :) and need 2 learn 2 let go!

Blindwreck said...

nish,
thats what happens with most of us... fight and then feel stupid! it really takes patience and will power to go down and analyse before we let go of our temper. but i think since you know where your problem lies, its easier to fix it di... dont you think so? gud luck! :)

Shades of Grey said...

WOW! I think that pretty much sums it up. I am guilty of all of those points - and I am desperately trying to improve myself. I think accepting that you are "hot tempered" etc. is the biggest mistake one can make. Then we just end up justifying our acts with, "Hey, this is who I am, take it or leave it."

Blindwreck said...

so very true jane... i think most of us experience it at some point of time, but hey why feel guilty when u know wats your weakness. its easier to mend it than feel miserable for knowing it :) imagine me, i wrote down all this simply out of experience... and you say u feel guilty for all those points!! its ok as long as you're making an effort which you've already begun babe :)

An Open Book said...

Are our husbands by any chance reading our blogs? we have admitted 2 all the problems ourselves:)

Blindwreck said...

haha... mine sure wouldnt be! what abt ro nish??? i really doubt it :P

An Open Book said...

oh he doesnt even know i have a blog ..leave alone read this he he..

Blindwreck said...

hehe... am not surprised nish. men i say!!!!

the blogger formerly known as sansmerci said...

lemme c

some of the points work in reverse too like u said

for me relationship breakers are

too much of giving becomes a too much to take... like i lose my ego self identity dignity etc and go to the least possible point n after i ve lost complete self esteem n feel dead... i jus run away!

another is lack of appreciation.. wen m constantly not apreciated for my small trivial as well as big attempts to express my love and b selfless and make bgi tiem sacrifices and tht goes unnoticed, the final goodbye arrives from me

and most of all wen i don feel loved ie if my partner is incapacble of expressin his love in anyway at all... depression takss over me and the love is lost!

so i agree on the selfishness part and ego yes but both in too much as well as too less of an ego is a prob but fites i think are much better since there cud b a lota make up romance its worse wen u don let ur feelings out to avoid fites and the vent up feelinggs let u hate each other!

Aaarti said...

hey

1st time here...
Nice blog and enjoyed the post... think u've covered just abt it all!! :)

Saw ur from chennai too.. cool!!

MultiMenon said...

baby aaron looks soooo cuuttee.. :) he looks soo much like u chechi,cute.. :)

Pinne,you have been awarded..do check out okay?? :)

take care..

Nikhil

jp said...

i been going through similar issues for most of my life but from the male side of it. i see alot you wrote that i could relate to or something i overcame or possibly currently going through. do you mind if i ask if your in the usa or another country?

Pointblank said...

sne.... how u doing di? long long time since i heard from u.. are u even logging into facebook these days? is ur lil one keeping u busy?