Tuesday, 28 April, 2009
Five biggest killers of all time
Here's my list of "five biggest relationship killers" of all time. Thoughts written randomly but tried and tested :P Go ahead and have a thought about it and let me know if you have anything more to share.
* Ego - Human ego can be considered as the biggest killers of all time in any relationship. The less you wanna let go of it, the more you lose. Worse still is clash of egos, "you dont let go, i dont let go, then lets go bang our heads!" What's the point? You're losing your sanity. You lose to focus on what needs to be done instead. You'd have probably lost too much time trying to see who can come down and make a compromise.
* Selfishness - Its just not about being selfish about possessing something. It is about being and thinking about 'self'. The more you think about only you, the more you fail to see what the other person is in your life. The value diminishes. Your partner's needs and wants fall way too below in life if you were to see only what you want and where you look. Look beyond youself and you'll see that probably the other person has bigger needs than you. You dont need to be selfless, just be considerate.
* Blame game - This one thing HAS to stop that very second it begins, no matter who takes the initiative! You feel the other person has done wrong, put it in a way that he/she understands but dont make them feel so miserable that they retort. On the other hand, if you're at fault, dont just jump in and say "ok fine i did it, so what?". Probably you can ask your partner where you went wrong so that you can correct it. Things are much better that way especially if you learn to stop blaming one another for their mistakes. Arguments or issues dont come up unless you both have done/gone wrong somewhere at some point. If you think you're winning an argument by blaming the other person and the other person has become mute, you're in for a bigger loss later.
* Taking the blame all the time: Ok this one sounds quite contradictory to the previous point but there's a difference. When you have a situation where you think you've gone wrong or your partner has pointed out your mistake, accept it to correct it the next time but dont go so low that you feel completely miserable and you're made to feel guilty for rest of your day or worse still, all your life. Take the blame if its genuine but dont fall for silly matters that can wreck havoc and toss the boat completely, cos once you do that you'll be taken too much for granted.
* Verbal abuse: Not that physical abuse can be passed off, verbal abuse can leave you completely demotivated. Here abuse does not only mean objectionable usage of words or phrases but the kind of talk that can really leave you totally ripped. When you have the fiercest of arguments, you tend to get more verbal and say things that can really kill. Avoid it. Think for a split second, what if you were to be on the receiving end. Saying things about your partner's family, digging their past, listing down their long-forgotten mistakes, disappointments... all these add up to form a kind of grudge in your the subconscious mind and one day they will get their chance too to give it all back to you. Things get ugly beyond that point. Talk and try to solve the current issue. It really doesnt help talking about what's gone.
If you probe deeper, you'd probably realise there are many more silly things that can really bother you but in the end its how you handle that matters. After all you want to save your relationship at any cost, dont you?