Thursday 15 November 2007

She

Below is a short story i had written few days back and it got featured in sulekha blogs. I wanted to share it with you all here. This is my very first attempt at writing anything of this sort, so pls excuse me for any errors of any sort! Thank you. :)

Her cabin was in the last row. Noone sat beside her. She was happy, relieved. She needn't strike a half-hearted conversation with anyone. She was happy, to be alone. She relaxed. With thoughts racing inside her already half-baked head, she was certain someone would actually read her mind through her face. Strange faces approached her, welcomed her, questioned her - the usual formalities, she thought - responding to them all with a smile. Fake attempt, she knew.

Day one passed and many such days rolled over, and several months too. One face kept coming back. She tried to ignore. She liked the company. She tried to walk away. She started smiling and laughing. She felt elated. “You have a boyfriend waiting to marry you, whom you love”, reminded her conscience. She sulked. Days passed and again she would get back to this cycle of fighting with her conscience. She loathed herself. She wished she never knew him, never met him. But reality’s bittersweet form took shape. She was surrendering unknowingly into a world of laughter and happiness. She loved it. For once, she felt she was somewhere realizing her dreams. A dream which she kept to herself. A dream where she would meet her prince charming unexpectedly, unknowingly - yet completely aware - aware of the heaviness it leaves, an aching anticipation it holds. She was getting lost - deeply and dangerously.

Notwithstanding the consequences, she was giving in completely. “My mind can never rest in peace anymore”, she assured herself. “What am I doing? Why am I walking this path?” Her heart echoed no positive answers. She kept walking in this newfound direction, realizing how deep the trench was going to be when she landed. Somehow, she wasn’t stirred. She didn’t want to be.

She was in love, madly. She poured her heart to him one evening. What a pleasant evening that was, so serene. All she heard was his heavy breathing and the sound of the waves touching the shore over and over again. There was a twinkle in his eyes, he was ecstatic. He wondered why it took so long for her to utter those magic words. His wait ended there, under the auburn rays of the evening sun, where they sat holding each other watching the waves dancing to the nature’s tune. They sat there consuming every second of the moment. She wished if she could freeze that moment. She gently turned to look at him. He smiled at her and she was already melting away. His happiness knew no boundary and it sparkled in his eyes. She smiled back looking into his deep dark eyes. “I don’t want to hurt this man but god, please forgive me”. For her, it was just the beginning of yet another treacherous journey.

Sunday 11 November 2007

I wish...

I wish I could float around in the clouds and
noone to ask my why
I wish I could walk along the woods
with noone to stop me by,

I wish I could melt you heart
with words so true
I wish I could mend my heart and
start over anew,

I wish I could hide all my tears
under a pretty smile
I wish I could just stop crawling and
walk a mile,

I wish I would never need to cry and
show you my pain
I wish I could turn back time and
hold you in my arms again,

I wish I could bury and burn
all your worries
I wish I could just live by
holding on to your memories,

I wish I could always feel your
breath over my skin
I wish I could ask you to look into my eyes
and see you deep within,

If only all my wishes could ever come true
I would lay down by your side and
breathe my last words unto you.

Monday 5 November 2007

Now you see… tada, now you don’t!

Well… I had this admiration for people performing magic, or at least I used to. Gosh, how I hate to say that now!! Today, I witnessed this absoferakinly ridiculous ‘show off’ of talent, may I call it? A face familiar with Kalaingar TV viewers, I can’t even recollect his name to say the least!

Ok, soon enough you might see my forlorn face in front of the camera witnessing this comedy or errors, errr!! Ok, now I admit magic is something I cannot approach with a sensible mind or a logical thinking but this was a bit too much. It was interesting alright, kinda hooked me up too I should say… but the performer is… yay, what a slimeball!! I cannot even get his name (not that I wished too… he was too ridiculous to be remembered! Lol!!) Am sure I won’t forget the face though! You know what I mean ;) :P

Alright, he did this ring-rope thingy which I should admit was impressive. Then there was this pack of cards thing (can the magicians ever think of something more innovative now, for god’s sake??) which was stupid and not that convincing! Professions, I say!!!

Being the ‘yo’ kinda man that he was (ya right, he sports a ‘cool’ rapeban, read: ray ban and an octo-pentagonal shaped sideburn cum beard cum whatever whatever…) he had to ‘impress’ the fairer sex with the slimiest of remarks!! He thinks we fell for it!! What a shame, such rare talent wrapped up in such a typical clown! Gawd! Can they ever change their clich├ęd style of ‘oh the beautiful girls out there’ type of remarks, I wonder! May I scream, it’s getting just too staaaaaaaaaaleeeeee mate...

Aaanndd tada…in the end he finished it with a classic “magic is logic” tagline. What a finishing touch! Wow! Advertising firms are in the lookout for people like you!

I cant believe this, while i type all this the typical a@#$h*&^ is standing right here near my bay!!!!! eeeeeeewwwwww...

Friday 2 November 2007

If only it could make her happy it won't hurt anyway - truly!

Yup, am back and after a long time too! Things have been going hopeless to bad to better to ok now… well it doesn’t matter much anymore. They keep coming and going – it’s a hopelessly unavoidable ‘am here to take it again’ vicious circle. Tears you apart and mends you as well.

Just when I was thinking about revamping (!?!) and rewriting my whole blog all over again, I came across this wonderful piece of work (I would rather call it expressions in art!) by rockheart from http://rockheart.sulekha.com/blog/post/2007/10/if-only-it-could-make-her-happy.htm.

Beautiful rendering of words, subtle and so very powerful. Makes you sit back and think how often we walk that path. Funny, similar emotions are so universal, its there just about everywhere!

My take: The effort in keeping someone happy yet knowing how disturbingly annoying we can get when realization hits and brings you to reality that we indeed are selfish in our ways, can be disastrous at times. Realization? - Yup, guilt. Utterly bitter one that.

When I was thru with the poem, tears just rolled out with less effort and before I knew I was feeling so helplessly utterly guilty and bitter about myself. And I was forced into rolling back into my cocoon once again for I know this person in my life who feels so very much this way. Probably if that person read this, it would have been easier to relate, but to be in their shoes and feel the same, for me it’s like swallowing a ball of fire and shedding tears of ice.

"Thoughts just shatter day by day and by the night we
are angels of heaven
The dawn breaks and brings in new light, whom are we
fooling here again?"

I cannot find words to go further. Am already choking. If somebody could take it from here on I would be grateful. Thanks in advance!