Wednesday, 2 January, 2008

The genesis

“God, this hurts” whined the heart. “This pain is unbearable.”

“Oh, just shut up, will you? If you can’t take it then don’t do it”, retorted the mind. “There was no need for it.”

“Well, what do you understand about pain and hurting? All you do is just sit inside that damned brain and pass on those horrible signals which are of no use. It doesn’t matter anyway now.”

“Oh sure it does. All that you’re talking about isn’t just the product of your lousy feeling alone mister. I work day and night for you, for this body that carries you. You don’t talk about my work here. Let me tell you something. You really need to learn to live and to rationalize my friend”, fumed the mind.

Amused by the thought of ‘rationalizing’, the heart replied “Well, that’s definitely not my kind of work. I guess I am doing what I am asked to and it’s really killing me. Why can’t you, for God’s sake, just stay quiet and let me just move on? Who’s asking for your opinion anyway?”

Undeterred, the mind replied, “You know, I am here in this body to tell you where you’re going wrong and where you should correct yourself. God’s given me this abundant power to guide you and tell you what’s worth in life. What you’re doing right now is definitely not the right thing. You’re just ruining yourself. You’re ruining my life as well.” The mind continued. “You see, these thought processes that are happening in me aren’t quite normal now, and I just can’t focus properly. Do you know why? That’s because of you. You’re selfish, you don’t want to think about others, all that you can think about is you, yourself.” The mind is deeply disturbed. Though nothing was intended, every word that it spoke turned out to be bitter and painful. The mind continued in a grave tone. “Take a look around heart, do you see the damage you’ve done? If you truly realize and take responsibilities of your action, then probably, PROBABLY, you will know what needs to be done.”

Not stirred by the emotional storm of words, the heart cynically retorted, “Listen Mr. Mind, all that damage you’ve been talking about isn’t the result of ‘my’ selfishness and action alone. Well, where exactly do you think you fit? Playing it all safe by burdening me with the responsibility of ending this, isn’t it? You sure got the way of talking I should say! Every decision I’ve taken, you’ve been there. Every time I wronged, you’ve been a reason too. Every time I wished, you’ve held me back. Now you say I am at fault. Do you really think you can get away with that?” The heart slowly began gasping for breath. In between the heavy spasms, it continued. “You know, all your life, you’ve done just one thing – talk. Talk me into agreeing with you. All we’ve ever done is argue, over a million odd things. The heart chuckled, “To say the least, we’re doing just that even now”.

Outside, the room was creeping into stillness. The only sound that broke the silence came from the girl who was silently shedding her tears. Her last tears. Her blood, deep as scarlet, trickled down her veins staining her ivory lace skirt, the skirt she loved flaunting. She let out a weak smile as the stream of blood slithered further down to the floor. She closed her eyes, remembering her last birthday.

He was holding a gift-wrapped box neatly tied with a red ribbon. She was so ecstatic. It was a beautiful ivory lace skirt. She loved it immensely and wore it the entire day, happily telling her friends how beautiful the skirt was and how much she loved it. He was glad she loved it. That day he had said he loved her. She still wondered why everything came to an end, why the love ceased to exist.

Inside, the mind tried to bring the thoughts to control and spoke to the heart, “Look what’s happening. The blood is all around now. Why have you done all this? You’re sure going to pay for this. This is all a joke for you, isn’t it?”

The heart gave out a long cynical laugh and said, “Joke! Life’s a joke, isn’t it my friend? You know, I realized it’s time we put an end to this joke. It was getting too sour.” Like a dagger piercing through every time, the heart spoke “You don’t feel the pain, I do. So let’s not argue anymore. I am tired.”

Darkness clouded inside, words were reaching like a faint echo; the mind raced intently trying to get a hold. With great uneasiness it spoke, “Alright, listen to me. Call up the doctor now. You still have time.” Amused by the thought of calling a doctor, the heart chuckled again. “A doctor? What for? To put on his stethoscope and read my beatings, put me on those stretcher wheels and take me into that dreaded room? I’d rather die. I hate doctors.”

“So stubborn” thought the mind. “Don’t show such disregard to me, to your parents, your friends, and your lover who loves you so truly. You hold his heart in you, why do you want to end it all? You’re hurting yourself just too much. This is unnecessary.”

“My lover?” spat the heart. “I wish I could call that any longer. He’s taken it away. He’s taken it all back. Do you see this empty space? Well, that’s his gift to me. It’s over now my friend”, the words came out with great pain, the a weak smiled passed its lips as tears rolled down.

“You deserve something better heart. This is definitely not the right decision you’ve taken. There is no one who can understand you better than I do. I am with you. For me, for this body that owns you, listen to me please. Call the doctor”, the mind pleaded.

“You’re with me? You’re the only reason I am suffering this today. You’re the only reason why I let him go. I am empty now because of you and I am going to end this all because of you. This is my gift to you my friend”, smiled the heart.

“No, please don’t do this. Why don’t you understand, you have better reasons to live for. Let’s forget everything and start over anew.” The mind tried to convince the heart, breathing every word with great difficulty.

The heart pumped very slowly. The mind could hardly keep itself calm. Both were suffering in silence. “You shouldn’t have done this”. This time the heart could only hear the faint echo of the mind. “I loved you.” The heart smiled and replied “I loved you too but I cannot bear this pain anymore. Forgive me mind, you’ve been a great friend. But this one had to end. Let’s part as friends. I wish to meet you if I ever come alive in someone.”

Suddenly, there were voices heard outside. Many were screaming out in disbelief, many crying. The body lay lifeless on the floor, covered in a pool of blood. One frail voice was heard, “somebody please call the doctor”, crying and trying to move the fragile body out of the pool of blood.

A weak smile passed through the lips of the heart. “So long mate, it’s time for us to part. Goodbye.” The mind could not register a single word the heart spoke. There was just darkness around and nothing seen or heard.

By now many had gathered in the room. Many voices were heard, and many crying.

For one last time, the heart closed its eyes and cherished all the moments of its life, remembering everything that it could in a split second and surrender silently, with a weak smile on its lips. The mind, unable to withhold any longer, lost in the darkness of thoughts, uttered its last words, “You shouldn’t have done this my friend, you shouldn’t have” and gave in to eternity.

The eyes closed. There was a long silence inside. Everything went still. The heart gave in to its last beat, and then it stopped. There was silence, a silence that could never be broken again.

The heart and mind united in harmony, beginning the journey to a land of perpetual silence.


Enigma said...

well its a great post plus a lill freaky too..heheh..but good work

~Blindreck~ said...

thanks da... yeah it was meant to be a bit freaky!! ;)

sansmerci said...

i dono wat to say..m tempted to listen to my heart now ... u jus got me into a gloom..not every writer can do it with her words .. keep it up babe wish i can write like you

~Blindreck~ said...

u write much better sweetie... thanks babe, and oh am looking fwd to write more cheerful stuff... hoping to atleast! no more glooms! :D

Cockroach said...

Sne believe me, this one is amazing. Very, recently I regained the habit to read & write. And reading something like this make me feel bad for not reading anything for long. Really moved by the concept and structure of your story. Usually I try to visualize when I read something. As classy a classic film. I could feel it like a new-age movie, don’t know how to explain that to u. To be frank, an out of the box thought. Keep it up.


~Blindreck~ said...

thank u sooo much da... am surprised myself! :D

Vik said...

whoa... quite neatly done matey. Brilliant thinking and what were you thinking [:D]

Pointblank said...

Sne babe, did u write this ??? Its such a masterpiece!!! Its more like my own life, my heart n head always conflicting, hurting each other! Innovative piece! y dont u consider getting it published??

~Blindreck~ said...

@ vik
well a lota of things! :)
thanks for ur comments! i appreciate it.

@ point
thanks da... but published? :O
naaa... u must be kiddin girly!!

Vik said...

You are welcome and pleasure is mine.. I second Point's thought about you getting this published.. Put it up in Sulekha.. I betcha it sure is gonna attract more crowd - more meaningful people unlike me, people who matter.. So yea give it a shot. Was a great write up this !

~Blindreck~ said...

thanks for the encouraging words. this one's already up in sulekha. under the id psychedelic. what's yours???
thanks a lot once again!

Anonymous said...

mighty-disturbing-thought-provoking-collage-of words!

Mind should've prevailed...


Sriram V Iyer said...

i would say, "only a heart that has felt the pain, and an eye that has witnessed the agony, can translate such emotions into words"

striking, poignant and intensely touching.

~Blindreck~ said...

@ san
thanks da! yup, by all means mind should prevail - most of the times it doesnt!

@ sriram v iyer
yup!you got me there! thanks a lot for your words. :)